An article by Margaret Bain, published in Quest Magazine, Journal of the Magical Heritage of the West, published continuously four times a year since 1970. Article republished from Quest No. 3, September 1970 with the permission of the editor.
“Who am I? What is this me? A voice, a motion, an appearance? Some embodied visualised idea in the Eternal Mind? Alas, poor cogitator, this takes us but a little way. Sure enough, I am; and lately was not. But whence? How? Where to?”
The above immortal words of Carlyle have been echoed by seekers after truth and understanding throughout the ages. Countless systems have attempted an answer, with varying success. But if we start with the premise that our concept of Divinity is above, and we are below, we may follow the seeker on his journey up the tree of Life.
Originally, he is living entirely in the World of Appearances, governed by action/reaction. Here, he is sure that whatever the fault, it is not his. He cannot find his place, and therefore must reform the world. The cry, “Why has this happened to me?” and the equally familiar “What have I done to deserve this?” resound woefully and long. He is unable to consciously accept the responsibility for his words and deeds, and so he blames the weather, his wife, the neighbours, the boss, each in turn for his misfortunes.
The more he bewails his life, the more it’s problems devolve squarely upon him. The justice he receives, being that of Natural Law, is fairer and more exacting than anything man-made, and so he learns Life’s Lessons, each harder than the last, until he recognises what is being shown. He sees that he cannot remake the world, but he can sort himself out preparatory to finding his place and function in life.
He has entered the world equipped with all he needs for his development. His task is to discover, develop, integrate and use his attributes.
Feeling he is being drawn further, he adorns himself with this new-found knowledge, and parades about, hinting darkly that he has cracked the secrets of the Universe, and waiting for it all to happen. It does – but not as expected. Life steps in, and he is forced to look inwards, and suddenly finds himself blundering about the World of Instincts, where, discovering the power of imagination, which he glamourises as “Revelations from on High” and faithfully draws, records, and recounts them to whoever will listen. Or writes detailed descriptions of them with the air of being mysteriously set apart to receive classified information about the cosmos in general and humanity in particular. He is happy enough but cannot rest, having touched the Instinctive part of his nature.
One of the strongest instincts being Survival, it is this which prods him on, for it concerns not only bodily survival, but that of identity and soul.
He takes the first step towards the World of Intellect, and here meets the Life Force. This, a vitalizing dynamic force permeates his surroundings and courses through every aspect of his being. He experiences expectation and the wonder of living – perhaps a feeling of “walking on air”. Exhilarating though this is, however, he needs to be sure that his feet stay on the ground. This force is not everything. It would not do to go back to the beginning, carried by the Life Force finding expression through action/reaction. Gradually he sees that everything alive has a vibrating, pulsing, ever changing yet changeless pattern, energized by Life Force. This re-charges his energies and makes him eager to penetrate further, enthusiastic to learn more. He enters the World of Intellect.
This is the place of thoughts, information, logic, cataloguing and analysis. He may be fascinated by Intellectual capabilities which may imprison him and possibly delay development by substituting logic for understanding and academic learning for spiritual truth, making his environment sterile, and himself complacent.
Strangely, this very self-satisfaction is likely to provide the spur, for who, from the height of Intellect, can resist an occasional glance behind? Logic will suggest that it is his duty to place his greater experience and wisdom at the service of others less fortunate. This he does and finds he can command respect. He has progressed considerably and knows it. In exercising intellect, he has learned to discourse, and further, to be heard. Although a little pontifical, he feels this is justified, for thus far the way has been hard, and according to his light, he is able to help others being able to see clearly, some of his own conditions; he thus acquires the stability for further development, whilst still appreciating the value of greater understanding applied materially.
He starts the next stage when the power inherent in the World of Feeling clamours for attention, and he finds this path rocky and uphill. This is very different from the orderly ‘Thou shalts’ and ‘Thou shalt nots’ of the World of Intellect. He is reluctant to undertake it, for half way across the path becomes alarming and he swings between Intellect and Feeling like a pendulum of a crazy clock. He has to decide whether to go forward or back and each appears equally difficult.
Eventually he becomes aware of the voice, calling him from deep within. He takes the plunge and the chaotic conditions give way to the warm summery conditions to the World of Feelings.
Having escaped the World of Intellect, our traveller now relaxes in the gentle glow of feelings, discovers new delights in the attraction of the opposite sex, and enjoys appreciating his environment intuitively. He tends to use his feelings as a canopy against reality and see the world through rose coloured spectacles. To begin with this is necessary, for it takes a while to assimilate the experience of feeling-based events. He has experienced such things before but now does so consciously, and takes the consequent responsibility, which change in attitude accompanies conscious development. After relaxation, boredom creeps in.
He realises he is ‘all dressed up and nowhere to go’. He looks for activity and finds that he may now help others again. When he did this from Intellect, he was only able to do this intellectually – classifying analysing facts, pigeon-holing the Universe from them. Doing the same from Feelings is less straightforward, except when lending a sympathetic ear, aided by the watchful use of Intuition. He tends to classify people, feeling how they fit into the pattern of life, although the pitfall here is the temptation to compare them with himself in too critical a light. He gains satisfaction again by putting experience and understanding to good use. He finds he is accorded authority, for all travelling towards Truth recognise the value of greater experience than their own.
Our traveller soon realises that he has still much further to go. He has experienced the Worlds of Instincts, Intellect and Feeling, separately and related to daily life. His task now is to weld the three together into a whole Personality and set forward alone to establish his true being for which it will become a tool. Solitude is necessary, for to find his true Self, he must withdraw from instruction and establish a foundation in his life through which it may find expression. The next is a most important stage: Having explored the nature of personality, the opportunity arises to transcend personality and establish the centre of consciousness in his true Self. To become ‘Self Conscious’.
He finds it hard, for the gateway to Self is narrow and involves sacrifice. This word means ‘transmutation’ or change. He must change his attitude to his most dearly held ideas, ideals and illusions. There are some teachers who insist that the popular concept of sacrifice meaning ‘loss’ or ‘going without’ is meaningless, and give the impression that the transmutation can happen without. This is not true. In order to transfer consciousness from Personality to Self, our traveller must relinquish everything he has put in the place of Self. Unless he can consciously accept the necessity of losing cherished ideas, ideals – even possessions or people in some cases, the gateway closes and no change takes place. He may not he called upon to lose them, but he must be prepared to do so. Passing through the veil which shrouds the light of Self is akin to being born and our traveller must undergo, consciously, the trauma of re-birth. ‘Habits die hard’ and this is fully demonstrated here. Personality does not easily relinquish any part, so he finds he may travel the path round Instincts, Intellect and Feelings many times, discovering and integrating parts previously overlooked.
Many travellers remain in this state for a long time. Some are happy to do so, without ambition to go further, being satisfied with a firm foundation and a rounded, integrated personality which brings true independence. They have achieved more than average. They do not allow themselves to be buffeted by circumstance. They are masters of their own personalities.
The next stop requires devotion and courage, for the ties which bind consciousness to personality must be let go, and the traveller prepared to find Self as helpless as a new-born baby. He must re-orient his attitudes, desires and ambitions on the basis of Self-Consciousness taking Self on trust.
Given courage and devotion, he does this, for Self is no stranger. It has been finding expression through personality all along, but un-consciously, being identified with its various aspects. The relationship which he now finds with personality is that which the lion tamer finds with the lion. He rules the beast with love, the lion is a willing and obedient servant. Everything is clearer and in detail. Never again will he be able to kid himself. He may ignore what he sees but he can never ignore that he has seen it.
Many systems end with the finding of Self – the Kingdom of Heaven Within – but our traveller takes the journey two steps forward. He must now learn to be self, investigating and integrating the parts of Self, and then comes ‘Self Realisation’ in the way that one realises assets and uses them. Before he continues, he must pause and consolidate his position to establish his whereabouts by reference to what has gone before. He looks back to Intellect and sees that discovering Self from there would have appeared upside down. Having accepted losing cherished ideas, he appreciates that he has gained. Intellectual power can be pure force, used consciously without identification. He sees previous incompleteness and observes thought as inner events, interlacing with the outer events in his environment. He can exercise choice, since he now has the necessary clear, watchful intellect.
He looks back at feelings and realises he sensed the coming change which aroused a wandering amongst unconscious aspects which most people would rather ignore. It appears to be ‘Walking in the Valley of the Shadow of Death’. He sees that losing illusions was death of a kind. The person he was has gone. He can never identify with feelings again. The gain is great for if he were to do so now, it would be death to his new born Self Consciousness and that loss would be tragic. He can overcome fear of death, which release is an essential for exercising choice. Now he knows he is immortal and eternal. No-one can have something for nothing, and our traveller sees his suffering as part of the price for the knowledge that he is immortal.
He now explores the realm of Self and approaches the World of Desires. Spiritualists say death changes no one and he finds that ‘Self Consciousness’, although it changes much of what he has, does not change his basic nature, either. It only shows clearly what he is, for good or evil.
The biggest problem he faces now is Pride – the vice of Self. It is natural to be proud of his achievement. He sees himself as eternal with Truth his birthright. This image is true, but incomplete, unless he applies this heritage to its intended purpose – the establishment of the Kingdom of Heaven upon Earth. For this he must meet Macrocosmic Laws which he does in the World of Desires. This is terrifying, for Pride tempts him to identify from Self, and claim it as his own. He says ‘my desires’, whereas these belong to all. Instincts, intellect and Feelings likewise belong to all, but they act by reflection. As long as our Traveller cannot discriminate here, this world chains him. As long as desires engulf him, he has cause to fear. Psychologists say that the commonest way of overcoming fear is rationalization. This does not work here. He must learn to handle these desires safely.
He must employ Intellect to a higher degree and let the forces flow without being swept away into uncontrollable situations. Although he can control outward reaction, he must attend, inwardly, for this conflict affects the soul and he meets both temptation to show off and situations where he must choose, whilst seeming to have no choice. These throw him back upon himself very hard but he can cope with them, however diabolical things seem. Now he looks, necessarily, for that in him which transcends Self, and that is Spirit.
If he persists in identifying, he will be knocked even harder until the truth is accepted. It is only pride – identifications – which must go. He remains ‘Self conscious’. If he cannot or will not relinquish identification, he is flung down the path from Desire to Intellect, with all his Self power, but totally unbalanced, for though formidable intellectually, there is no equivalent power in feelings and instincts. He must re-traverse the triangle, redistributing the power of Self throughout the personality before re-climbing. Avoidance of this pitfall allows him to approach the World of Origins or Mind aspect of Nature. He may ‘Let his Light Shine’ and allow it to work within him, illuminating this world. Supernal influence shines through him in this light and intimations of his Spiritual nature strengthen. He learns by doing and begins to receive higher spiritual forces and transmit them to others.
The World of Origins is basic and archetypal. Herein lie the roots of the elements and all physical form. Our traveller must come to terms with natural law. Like Desires, this world will tolerate no identification with Cosmic Force, nor anyone attempting to claim it. Nature Power is great but subtle, and the unfortunate who shows Pride here will be ejected gently so that he hardly knows it. He will float down the path towards Feelings, lulled into a false sense of security, by claiming he has conquered Nature. This fall is devastating for again Cosmic Power is brought down and must be re-distributed. This lesson – to move with Natural Forces without losing conscious control – can be terrible. If he avoids the danger, there is one more path to an integrated and fully realised Self. Here he meets his judgement on himself. All loose ends are tied. All remaining problems are solved. Any buried identifications are relinquished. Here he can walk through the ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death’ without fear, and come out at the other end whole and complete. Here the Self-foundation is built to step towards spirit. Our traveller’s task is done – his journey over. He can meet his God. Pride is vanquished – ‘The meek inherit the earth’. Now he stands in direct contact with Supernal Power, and can channel it.
When he finally crosses the Abyss, he will be in another life – another journey – and his kingdom then, that of another world.
Note: I wish to express my gratitude to my husband, Alan Bain, with whom I was working at the time of writing the original article on which this is based, and without whom neither could have been written, although we differ on certain fundamental points described here.